Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
