Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
