Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His nipple licking is glorious
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
