Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
