matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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