Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
