So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
