But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
