I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
