it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
