I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
