Need sex. Gaining weight.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
