good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you never un-have a 4some
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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