His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to cum in my sink.
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