Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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