we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize