I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
