I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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