Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
