It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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