went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
