I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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