if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
