All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
