I like my sex mixed with concussions.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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