Buhtt sex?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
