I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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