I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
