whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
