I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
