I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize