I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
