I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize