I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
