genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize