I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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