the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize