Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
