oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
