please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your cock deserves a montage
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
