Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
