its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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