After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
