her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is my life. Enjoy the view
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
