How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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