The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
