I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
