Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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