How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
