3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
