the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
