Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
