I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
