Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize