hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You pole danced in your parka.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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