i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
