Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
