She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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