you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize