I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
