sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
