my mouth tastes like poor choices
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got inside last night via doggy door
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
