what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
