every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Can I color on your dick again?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
