I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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