I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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