all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
