They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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