My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
