Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
