because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
