Are we in a gay sports bar?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize