I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
