I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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