she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
