She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
