and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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