Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
