His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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